In last night's ladies class at Joelton, two comments were made which I feel need some particular attention and contemplation.
First, after some of us younger ladies were going on about how just the word "submit" makes us feel anger and bitterness, Nancy looked at us and basically said, "What's the problem?" She said it with an absolute pure heart, just trying to understand why we had such a visceral reaction to the concept. That moment has not left me yet. All I can say is, "I don't know what the problem is." I can tell you all my history, familial examples of women in my life, cultural icons who have influenced me, etc. But I cannot put my finger on why I don't want to follow God's plan for me in this area of my life.
In other areas of my life, I am perfectly willing to stand out from the world. We do not let our daughter wear provocative clothes, we do not let our children go to areas of the park unattended, we rarely let the children spend the night places, we homeschool. We do all sorts of things that people in our life sometimes think is "weird." I embrace those things. I am ok with my friends rolling their eyes at me when I say, "No, Marina cannot go to the playground without me." Why is it that in this one area I can't overcome my raising and just do what God wants me to do?
Next, Andrea said that she has a sketch at home of Jesus holding a lamb. Jesus has the lamb in his arms with its head over his shoulder. The lamb is resting peacefully, not flailing around and struggling. Andrea said that looking at that image brings her peace. She wants that feeling. She wants to be in the arms of Jesus, like a lamb protected by the Shepherd. She is completely willing to submit to Jesus because it brings that level of comfort and peace.
She then noted that submitting to those in authority is, in essence, submitting to Jesus. It is the SAME thing. She suggested that perhaps when we find ourselves in a situation where we are called to submit we should superimpose the face of Christ on that person and realize that we are not submitting to THAT person. We are submitting TO CHRIST. Wow.
After voicing my feelings on submission for the past couple of weeks, I feel like I need to make it clear that I do not think I am just a constant pain to my husband and / or boss. I just know that deep down inside of me there is this tiny little spot that is just mine, a tiny little speck that sits there waiting. It's waiting for my husband to make what I think is a wrong decision for the family. It is waiting for the elders to choose something for the church with which I do not agree. It is waiting for the boss to have me do something in some ridiculous manner. It then grows a little. It is as if I can feel if taking on a life of its own wanting to well up and escape. Intellectually I know that this is Satan. I have never been drawn to alcohol or drugs or fighting or jealousy, but I can imagine that it must feel kind of the same. Satan finds a tiny little chink in your armor and just starts picking at it, one little speck at a time. Eventually what was a tiny little crack becomes a fissure which becomes a crater. So this class and this study is a way for personally to shine the light on that speck inside me. As Paula said, if I keep my sin in the darkness, it will just grow unchecked. I want this speck in me to run and hide from the Light. Thanks for accompanying me on the journey and hopefully you'll get something from it as well!
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