The other day my husband and I were having a "discussion." As we were having this discussion, I thought to myself, I don't trust him. Not that I think that he is going to have an affair or anything, but on the issue we were discussing, I realized that we were having a hard time of it simply because I didn't trust him to have my best interest at heart. I didn't trust him to love me as Christ loved the church.
Having taught a lesson in our ladies Bible class about submission (or arranging yourself in order under, as I like to call it), intellectually I know the value of this directive. I understand that for things to work smoothly, someone has to be the leader and the rest followers. I know that this applies to projects at work, events at my children's schools, the family, and the church. I know that God, who knows me better than anyone, has placed my husband in that leadership role in our household. As I said, I intellectually understand that, but often my heart doesn't understand. I just think there are some times when my husband doesn't see things as clearly as he should (or at least as clearly as I think he should). In those moments, I don't trust him.
So after acknowledging that I don't trust my husband on some things in our life, I mulled this over, pondering what to do about this. I know that I will never be able to arrange myself in order under someone I don't trust. I will try to control things myself, I will usurp, I will undermine. How can I develop trust in my husband? How can I convince myself that this man, who from time to time infuriates me, who from time to time makes selfish decisions, is trustworthy?
Then it was as if God opened my heart and spoke to me. I am assuming this was the Holy Spirit moving. I felt like a little window was opened, and I was offered the chance to see something of God. I realized that I don't have to trust my husband. I don't have to trust my boss. I don't have to trust my government. I don't have to trust my elders. I don't have to trust the economy.
I only have to trust God. The rest will flow from that. Even if my husband is every bit as awful as I thought he was on that day, I trust that God will take care of us. Even if I lose my job, I trust that God will take care of us. Even if our elders make bad decisions, I trust that God will take care of us.
I read a devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministries a few weeks ago that was along these lines. It asked, "When bad things happen to me, is God enough?" If I have decided that God is enough and that I can trust him, then the rest doesn't matter.
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." Psalm 20:7
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you." Psalm 56:3
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
I apply all of these same questions to myself as well. How can I trust myself when, from time to time I infuriate myself, from time to time I make selfish decisions? I know my short comings better than anyone else. I know of what I am capable (good and bad). I know how mean I can be. I know how sharp my tongue can be. How can I trust myself to always be right, always do right?
Today I know something that I didn't know yesterday which makes it easier. I don't have to trust myself. In actuality, I shouldn't trust myself. My heart can lead me astray. My heart can be persuaded. My trust should be in God and God alone. He is the only thing which is unchanging and reliable.
"In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, and your years will never end." Psalm 102:25-27
"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8
